01 Awareness

Yes, I am a scholar, but I am also a human. I have been through tough times, too. I got my dream of “everything” in life but still managed to sabotage myself. I have been spending hours, days, weeks, and months to regain my spirituality, find my peace, and be a better human. This is the journal of my stupidities, lessons from them, and late awareness, but who knows, I will maybe save one person from eternal suffering. I will write about my mistakes, what I feel, and what I have learned. Often, I will not remember where I got the ideas because I have been reading and listening to a lot, visiting Buddhist teachings, and practicing meditation. I have had many therapy sessions so far. I cannot give references for everything I write; not all will be scientific, either. So, if you are reading these, and get sparks in your head, you better seek help before reading Freud :)

We respond to situations with emotional reactions. But there is another step in between Perception.

We often have similar perceptions of different situations, which are patterns. Unfortunately, our brains cannot differentiate positive patterns from negative patterns. Some patterns are so deeply wired in our brains that we believe they are true, and our true selves are how we react. Sometimes, we develop those patterns from childhood. Maybe our parents or our past partners, advisers, and friends reacted the same way. We get angry in certain situations and think this is us. Well, this is not us; that is our feelings, and feelings are not us.

I was unaware when a sudden light came into my heart. I knew that there was something wrong, but I sought help after a terrible heartbreak. Guess what my therapist said: “You are not insane; you are delusional.” Guess what I said: “Am I stupid that I have not realized this.” He said: “X percent of people on earth realize after things get out of control.” What does it mean? It is self-sabotage. I am going to talk about it another time.

So, if you are aware of your patterns, you can modify the perspective part of the reaction chain and choose how to respond. Of course, you will not be a better person after realizing your negative patterns. Your brain will trick you into going back to your old patterns. Why? First, if you are reading this, stop thinking your mind is right. It just tries to protect you from danger. What is the first reaction that would protect your lizard brain? Anger.

“What gets fired gets wired.”

You must practice a lot to rewire your brain. One example: What would you do if it starts raining while you’re trying to go somewhere? My old self would be extremely frustrated. Now, I take a breath and think I cannot control the weather! Also, I am not going to die if I get wet. I try to think about the life that rain gives to nature. It is still science, friends. It is neuroplasticity, so believe me, you can change it in time.

Take a deep breath.

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Feelings like fear, pain, and suffering are states of mind. They are not real, and we make them our reality. We solidify them in our brains and ignore other possible realities. In other words, they are caused by the narratives that we create in our minds. If you create negative narratives, you will not be happy. Also, you cannot find happiness outside! If your patterns are negative, you cannot be happy whatever the external situation is.

Listen yourself. Maybe you are also delusional; you have distorted perspectives of yourself and the people around you. If you think you are not enough, you will get sick and miserable and get fired for whatever reason. Delusions will crowd your mind, filling your life with frustration. When things go wrong, you will try to correct the condition, not how you respond to it. You will create more problems for yourself and others. Others will have the option to escape, but you cannot escape from yourself, and you will suffer more in the end.

In short, do not be a puppet of your mind. You can stop creating unrealistic narratives or the worst-case scenarios in your head. If you are doing that, the best way is to find support to identify the patterns and reasons. Also, you cannot change the situations, but you can change your perspectives.